Now What?

Crossroads...

I never realized almost five years ago the significance of the changes I was about to go through. Five years ago, I was bracing for a change in ministry. The Church that had hired me to serve an their Youth and Children's Pastor could no longer afford the position and I was being downsized. At the time I mourned the loss mostly because the ministry was so important to me and the students I was serving were so dear to me. It was one of the hardest things I had ever been through but we packed up the office and closed the door on that stage of life. I expected that God would automatically open another door somewhere so that I could once again work with students in what I see as a vital ministry for the Church.

At the time I had not thought that the fact my daughter was entering her senior year in High School would be a big factor. But it was. At the end of the summer I had turned down a couple of positions and been turned down by a couple. It was one thing to move before the school year, but it was another to move during her senior year. My wife and I choose not to move, which meant not to pursue a new ministry until the next summer.

The next summer was a completely different year. For one thing the recession was in full swing and so jobs in churches were fewer. For another, I had been out of ministry for over a year. No one wants to hire someone who has been out of work for that long. My options were few and I was at a crossroads. In some regard I am still there.

It was during this time that I began to look for ways to improve my chances. My wife encouraged me to pursue seminary. At first I thought the idea was impossible. I had no undergrad degree and I did not see getting into seminary as an option. But God opened the doors at Multnomah Seminary. They had provisions for people in my situation. I needed to show significant experience and I needed to prove I was capable of doing the work by taking and passing the GRE (Graduate Records Exam). I had the experience and after several weeks of preparation I passed my GRE with high marks. This began my seminary life. I completed my Master of Arts degree in two years and graduated with honors. During that time also took on the point responsibilities of the Middle School ministry.

A few months after graduation, while in the application process at a couple of churches, I was asked to step into the role of Interim Children's Ministry Director at the church. It was a challenge and I jumped in with both feet. For the the past few months I have been focusing a large portion of my time on helping the Children's ministry become more misssional around the vision of the church. In my spare time I still help coordinate the middle school. It has been a great opportunity and could go in for several more months.

Recently I realized that I am still standing at the crossroads. I went to seminary to become a better student ministry pastor. My heart is to work with High School students. I am capable of doing Children's Ministry with excellence but my heart is not fully engaged. I long for a ministry to students that trains them and empowers them to change their world.

I know that if I pursued the position that I am in, there is a good chance that they would ask me to be the permanent Children's pastor. There is a certain security in that thought. I love kids and I could see myself in the role. But my heart longs for working with older students. But I have no leads or any guarantees that I will ever land a Student Ministry position again. I am fighting against a prejudice that says that Student Ministry pastors should be in their twenties or thirties. I know that someday I may be to old to work with Students but I am not there yet. In truth I am still as excited about students as I have ever been. I still connect with them and I still prefer Student Ministry to anything else.

I have a choice before me. I can pour myself into the ministry at hand or I can pour myself into finding a new position as Student Ministry pastor. My dilemma is frustrating. My solution is to wait. I need to wait upon the Lord. He opened the door where I am. He will sustain me and meet my needs. I am asking Him to provide a ministry to High School students or to provide a heart for the ministry I am in currently. I think I can wait here for him to answer.

He has never let me down before.

How does one Walk in the Light?

I am currently reading through 1st John and my Struggle with the book in the past has been that I read it and then begin to question my salvation. If I am in the light then should I not be perfect? My mind has always combined the idea of walking in the light with not sinning and walking in the dark with sinning. On one level that may be a correct interpretation but if it is the only interpretation than verse 7 and 8 do not fit into the rest of chapter 1.

If we walk in the light there are two truths that go with it:
1. We have fellowship with one another
2. the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin.

Dose that mean that if we walk in the light the result will be fellowship and cleansing or is fellowship and cleansing what indicates that we are walking in the light

If fellowship and cleansing result from walking in the light then sin is not the only indicator of where (or how) we are walking. Clearly we can walk in the light and have sin in our life, otherwise there would be no sin for the blood of Jesus to wash away and verse 8 would be totally out of place.

If, on the other hand, fellowship and cleaning are what indicates that we are walking in the light then sin is going to be a constant issue that we need to continually, through the fellowship of both believers and with God, lay before Him so that we can be receiving the cleansing as often as it is needed.

But if that is true then it feels like we are living in sin. What is the difference between a man who struggles with alcohol and doesn't receive cleansing and a man who struggles with it and is constantly asking for cleansing. Doesn't this seem like hypocrisy? One day it is down the hatch, the next it is, forgive me lord, the next it is down the hatch.

This is what Strong's says about the Greek word used for walk:

4043. peripatev, per-ee-pat-eh´-o; from 4012 and 3961; to tread all around, i.e. walk at large (espec. as proof of ability); fig. to live, deport oneself, follow (as a companion or votary):— go, be occupied with, walk (about).[1]

The word Votary stands out to me in the definition. Webster's defines votary this way:

vo•ta•ry \vō-te-rē\ 1 archaic : a sworn adherent 2 a : ENTHUSIAST, DEVOTEE b : a devoted admirer 3 a : a devout or zealous worshiper b : a staunch believer or advocate[2]

To Me then, the issue seems to be one of focus. If our life's ambition is focused on ourselves and on our pet sins then we are not focused on God. How can we truly fellowship with believers if we are focused on living like a non-believer. If we are devoted to our selfish lusts then we are not able to connect with the body and therefore connect with God. It is the connection with God that keeps us cleansed and it is our determination and focus on walking in the light the keeps us connected with believers and God. Mixed with all this is the mystery of the Holy Spirit.

Sanctification is the work of the Holy Spirit if we are allowing the spirit to control us then we are focused in the right way. If we continually ignore the prompting of the spirit then we are focused on our self. I think we all ignore the spirit through out our day otherwise we would never sin. The key is that if we are walking in the light, then at some point in the day we will look back and make an assessment of our walk and through confession and submission to the Spirit we reconnect with the father.

So, it is not a question of whether or not I sin everyday. It is a question of weather or not I am allowing I am allowing the Spirit to direct me back toward the light so I can keep my focus on being in fellowship with God and other believers.

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[1]James Strong, The New Strong's Dictionary of Hebrew and Greek Words (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1997, c1996), H8674.

[2]Inc Merriam-Webster, Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary., Includes Index., 10th ed. (Springfield, Mass., U.S.A.: Merriam-Webster, 1996, c1993).

Ever Have one of Those Moments?

I will never forget the day. I was about 13 and my sister and I went grocery shopping. She had just gotten her license and it was one of her first solo trips.

After shopping, we went out to the parking lot, loaded the groceries and then got in the car. My sister put the keys in the ignition and they would not turn. She became frustrated and was growing more and more agitated. I knew it was best to keep my mouth shut when she was upset so I tried to ignore her. I simply just looked around trying to avoid looking at her. It was then I realized that we were in the wrong car.

After a furious departure, unloading and reloading of groceries into our car which was nearby, we jumped into our car and burst out laughing. The cars were both FORD LTD's and they looked the same from the outside.

So you might understand why I freaked out yesterday when I finished my shopping, loaded the groceries into my car and got in it to drive away, put the key in the ignition and it would not turn!

I panicked and looked around. For one instant nothing seemed familiar and I knew what I had done. I yanked the keys out of the car and reached for the door and was halfway out when I noticed the steering wheel cover. It was identical to the one in my car. It was the steering wheel cover that my son bought to accessorize the car. It had dragons on it and it was pretty unique. The familiarity of the steering wheel brought everything into focus. This was my car. I had not gotten into some strangers car and when I looked around this time it was all very familiar. I stuck the key in the ignition and it would not turn. So I jiggled the steering wheel until I could get the key to turn.

If I had never gotten into the wrong car when I was 13, I probably would have never thought I had gotten into a strangers car yesterday. What strikes me about the whole thing is that in that brief moment of panic nothing looked right - I did not recognize anything.

Have you ever had one of those moments when nothing seems familiar. Maybe you are writing something and you look a simple word that you have spelled a thousand times and it just doesn't look right. It looks funny and unfamiliar.

The Bible tells us that the Kingdom of God has arrived. That is what Jesus announced and his birth inaugurated. We live in the kingdom when we become a follower of Christ. The world may look like the same old fallen world but we are in a whole new realm. One day, after we die or when Christ returns, the scales will fall from our eyes and the Kingdom will be fully revealed. I think it will look unfamiliar at first but then after we pause a moment look at the familiar face of Jesus, the one who has been with us all our lives, we will relax and recognize the kingdom for what it is - the Glory of the living God.

Why the goofy name?

So why did I choose the name "Some Kind of Zombie" for my web site? Well it comes from Gal. 2;20 and it means that now that I am a Christian, I am dead. Yet I am alive. So in away I am a walking dead man or a zombie. Kind of a goofy name but the concept me being dead and Christ being alive in me is really tough to get a handle on. The more I think about it the harder it is to understand.

Someday I might get it bur for now I'll just obey my master and (to quote Audio Adrenaline) "walk away from the grave."

Decisions. Decisions...

I'm not sure what to do next. I have some fundamental issues with this whole process. First of all, why blog? I mean, is this a journal or a web page. If its a journal then why would I want other people to read it? If its a web page then what possible information can I put on this blog that would be the least bit interesting to anyone.

So do I act like this is a journal and share my thoughts and concerns and struggles (boring) or do I act like this is a web page and try to post interesting things that other people will be interested in (way too much work)?

I guess I'll do a little bit of both just to see where this ends up.

1st Post

I decided to give blogging a try. Not sure how consistant I will be...this may be my last post too. Not much to say at the moment. I got to get home and fire up the BBQ. :)